It’s raining outside and I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps emotionally. I feel like I hate my job and the company I work for. I’m envious of those who can make a living from their passions. Why can’t that be me? I know how to sew and make some jewelry but boy if you don’t have the time it’s impossible to make enough to sell online. I really would love to do something more creative and passion driven.
There are times I seriously wonder why I put so much of myself out there when it comes to my career. I’m not better off than most and I work 10 times harder it seems. I would love to work doing something I honestly get a great deal out of in life. Never know one day that might just happen. I have to find what it is that I want to do and figure out how to make it happen. Years ago I wanted to be a counselor for girls and women who were victims of rape. I never pursued it but I still would love to do that. But then you have to find funding and that’s really hard!
I have a couple eBooks I’ve been writing but of course I never seem to have the time to finish anything. Just running my 2 blogs and other social media just consumes each and every day. I know I can finish those books but I need some down time to do it. I think I’m overwhelmed with responsibilities which reality is I put much of it on me unnecessarily. I look at the guy who owns the local smoke shop and think how cool would that be to have a business like that. Being able to meet different people with a common interest. I need to do something different with my life.
It’s tough understanding me. I’m a conservative (politics & fiscally) yet I’m a hippie at heart. I’m a libertarian yet I don’t agree with the redefinition of marriage that’s happening in our society. I don’t agree on the reasons we go to war and I want pot legal. I’m a Christian yet my rebellion keeps me from being obedient to the rules of the church. I believe in living a stress reduced live with meditation at it’s core yet I work in a corporation that sucks the life out of me. I believe in helping the poor yet I believe that the rich have the right to be rich. There is so much about me that is a challenge!
I know those closest to me can’t wrap his head around how I am in such a strongly structured faith… how I subscribe to organized religion. I know it baffles them because they don’t see me as someone who would be. I’ve always craved rules and though I may not follow them all I know they are there and it gives me a sense of importance. With the church most everything is clearly outlined about what is and is not expected. However much I might not agree with the rules I still see it as desirable. The idea of rules being there for me… it’s appealing.
Anyways, I hope that everyone has a terrific weekend if i don’t write.
Peace, Sadie
My Darkside Pleasure 